Dangerous Cuisine
by paynesgrey
Summary: They just wanted to have a nice filling dinner, but an old foe of Lina's has cooked up some tasty revenge that takes a turn for the worse. 'Gourry don't touch me THERE' And hopefully there's a way to undo this horrible spell. LinaGourry ONESHOT


**Dangerous Cuisine**

A dark shadowy figure crept behind the kitchen door and snickered. He watched a group of four customers closely, particularly the small one with brilliant red hair.

He watched in satisfaction as he heard them order almost everything on the menu, and he rubbed his hands together with anticipation.

"Just you wait, Lina Inverse!" the man cackled in a low voice. "I'll prepare a meal for you that will end your reign of terror once and for all!"

He hunched back into the kitchen and began chopping up various parts of dragons and imps. He laughed louder and louder, preparing the ingredients for their meal. He would take extra special care of Lina Inverse's meal.

He shook a piece of dragon's foot in the air and shouted, "Lina Inverse! I will have my revenge!"

Elsewhere in the dining room of that same restaurant, Lina unexpectedly sneezed.

---

The waiter shoved the plates in front of the traveling four, and Lina squealed with delight not paying attention to the server's rudeness.

The others dug into their food with their usual manners, and Lina picked up a meaty leg ready to eat. Suddenly, as she was about to bite into it, Gourry grabbed it in a starving frenzy like normal, and Lina growled as she tried to defend for her food.

Amelia sighed. "They just never change, do they? They eat like animals."

Zelgadis sipped on his coffee. "Hn," he said, obviously bored and used to Lina and Gourry's eating habits.

"Hey, jellyfish, give that back!" Lina slugged at him. Gourry was as adamant as ever.

"I saw it first! You grabbed it from my plate, Lina!" he shouted, even though that wasn't true. They were just fighting over the food viciously like normal.

Lina grunted and worked with all her might to retrieve the food from him. Suddenly, the two of them got caught in a tug of war with the meat of the leg in between their teeth. When they tore through the meat, they stumbled backward into their chairs and glared at each other while chewing.

They began to eye the next morsel on Lina's plate. And as they glared and chewed, their eyelids became weighted and they both became sleepy.

"Hey, this food tastes funny," Gourry stated, slurring his words.

"Yeah…" Lina yawned, and their heads promptly conked onto the table as they fell into unconsciousness.

Amelia and Zelgadis dropped their forks in surprise. They heard someone rush from the kitchen and run to their table laughing. A crazy man stood over Lina's form grabbing some food off her plate.

"Finally Lina, the day has come!" He was ready to take a bite but then he realized that her companion was unconscious too. He looked confused and dropped Lina's food. "What the -"

"I was going to ask that as well." Zelgadis jumped back and drew his sword, pointing it at the odd chef.

"Exactly who are you?" Amelia yelled, pointing her justice-finger at him.

"I'm uh…" He looked at them and then back at Lina and Gourry. He stuttered and seemed to notice the problem. "OH no! My chance is ruined! That guy ate her food too!"

"What do you mean? What did you put in her food?" Zelgadis asked.

The man twiddled his thumbs nervously and looked around the room. "Well, you see…I drugged her food with an enchantment. She was supposed to eat the food and so was I, and then I was going to gain all her power! But if he ate the food and she did too…"

"Mmm…" Gourry blinked his eyes and drowsily picked up his head from the table.

"What…" Lina also woke up, rubbing her throbbing head.

"Miss Lina! Are you alright?" Amelia asked.

"Well…I guess so." But it wasn't Lina who answered. She turned to Amelia and gave her an alert expression. Zelgadis and Amelia's mouths dropped in horror. "Amelia, Zelgadis, what is it?"

And suddenly Gourry's voice was different, girly in fact, and sounding surprisingly like -

"Miss Lina!"

"What?" Gourry asked in Lina's voice in a huff. Then Gourry looked down. "WHAT! What the hell is going on here? Why am I in …"

"YAH!" They turned to Lina's body as they heard Gourry's voice. Everyone paled as he automatically reached down and grabbed Lina's petite breasts. "What the heck? How did I get these small breasts?"

There suddenly was a huge 'WHAM!' that echoed throughout the room.

And then Lina-Gourry was on the floor.

"Miss Lina! You shouldn't hurt your own body!" Amelia said, and Lina looked at her shocked.

"Oh, right." She inspected her large hands. Then her mood changed, and she glared at the cook who was still there, gaping at the scene. "Hey old man, what did you do to us?"

He shivered in fear, and started to run. Zelgadis nabbed him before he could take a step.

"You're not going anywhere until you tell us what you did and how to reverse this spell," Zelgadis ordered, and the cook shrunk back in defeat.

"Well, you see…it was supposed to be a power transfer spell, not a soul transfer spell," he said, grinning sheepishly. "I guess I goofed."

"You goofed!" Lina-Gourry proclaimed, running over to him and conking him on the head. "You two-bit hack, how dare you put delicate little me into a man's body, least of all Gourry's body!"

"Well it's not like you wouldn't completely dislike it," Zelgadis coughed out. He couldn't help it even though this wasn't the appropriate time to tease.

"You shut up!" Lina-Gourry jabbed a finger at him. Meanwhile, Gourry-Lina was pawing and petting almost every angle of his "new" body.

"Hey, Lina, you're skin is really soft!" Gourry-Lina announced bluntly. Lina-Gourry blushed as she saw him reach down between her legs on her body to explore further.

"You stop that!" she cried hysterically. "Where do you think you're touching?"

"But I… " He tried to defend his actions, but then he finally realized where his hand was going. Amelia and Zelgadis shrunk back in the background trying to detach themselves from the embarrassing scene.

"Ow!" Lina-Gourry had hit him again.

"I don't even care if I'm hitting my own body. How can you sit there and touch me like that?"

"Well, if it makes you feel any better you can touch me there and then we're even!" Gourry-Lina yelled as she pounded him on the head.

The restaurant got silent after that and Lina-Gourry blushed ten shades of red, more than Gourry's body had probably ever experienced before.

"Okay, _this_ is awkward," Zelgadis said, observing both Lina and Gourry as they stared at each other in a silent moment, looking each other's bodies up and down.

"Gees, why don't they get a room?" Amelia responded, sighing in exasperation.

"Hey! I heard that!" Lina-Gourry steamed, quickly changing the subject. "We have to figure out how to get us back into our old bodies again! Amelia? Zel? Evil Chef of the Month? Any suggestions?"

"I haven't got a clue how to reverse a spell like that." Amelia shrugged, and Zelgadis nodded his head in agreement.

"If anything the original spell caster should know what to do?"

"Oh, yeah, like I'm going to trust that hack!" Lina-Gourry yelled.

"Hey! That meal took months to prepare! I'm no hack!" the villain said offended.

"Well if you're so great, undo this spell!" Lina yelled. This guy was totally testing her patience, but she wasn't sure if she could do magic in Gourry's body. Instead, she thought his fists would be more helpful against this loser.

"I don't know if I want to," the guy said childishly, putting his nose in the air. "If anything, I got my revenge!"

"Revenge?" Lina-Gourry bellowed at him, coming over to him and grabbing onto his cuff. He shrunk back in fear. "I've never met you in my life! How can you want revenge against me?"

"How can you say that?" He sniffled with tears at the corners of his eyes. "You ransacked my entire group! We were charred and full of burn marks for days! You are an evil, evil woman who deserves everything she gets!" Then he spat at her feet.

"Oh, so you're a former bandit," Lina-Gourry said while rubbing her chin. She laughed. "Look buddy, you should have kept your day job. I may be in a different body but I still have the knowledge to cast a spell." (She hoped.) She started laughing and cracked Gourry's knuckles. Gourry-Lina ran up, grabbed the Sword of Light from the hilt and stood next to Lina-Gourry's side.

"And don't count me out!"

"Hey! That's my sword!" Lina-Gourry exclaimed, losing her attention on the former bandit. She grabbed at the sword and tugged it.

"Wait! Lina, you may be in my body but this is MY sword!" Gourry pleaded. They continued to struggle. Amelia and Zelgadis shook their heads.

"Look! Can we just stop this nonsense now?" Zelgadis asked. Lina and Gourry stopped tugging in response to Zelgadis's stern voice. "I have a theory." Everyone paid attention closely as Zelgadis picked up another drumstick from Lina's plate. He held it out in front of Lina and Gourry. "Eat! And do it at the same time too. I'm wondering if eating the food will switch you back."

Lina-Gourry looked at him, and her face beamed with elation. "Good idea, Zel!" She wished she hadn't been so distracted and had thought of it herself. Oh well, Zelgadis steals the scene again. She grabbed onto the drumstick and Gourry-Lina did too. They bent down and took a hesitant bite at the same time.

They chewed and just as before, their heads felt funny, and they closed their eyes in slumber. They toppled over one another on the floor.

Amelia crossed her arms as Zelgadis still held firmly onto their prisoner. He wasn't going to get away until this was finished, and even after that he would have to feel Lina's wrath.

Not five minutes later, the two of them groggily opened their eyes.

"Well?" Lina said, now finally in her own body. Amelia jumped in joy and launched herself into Lina's arms.

"Yeah! Ms. Lina, you're back!" Amelia exclaimed. Gourry shook his head.

"Ugh," he moaned, inspecting his hands and then placing an idle hand on Lina's breast to make sure.

"Wow, I'm back too!" he stated happily, and Lina blushed and whacked him for grabbing her again.

"Yes, now kindly don't grab me anymore!"

"But Lina, I was just making sure!" Gourry defended. "It's not like there's anything there to get mad about."

Strike number two: Lina launched a fireball while Gourry teetered over charred and comatose on the floor.

"Now that that's over," Lina said wiping her hands. She focused her attention on the bandit. He cringed back in fear. As she glared at him and smiled maliciously, he could have sworn her eyes were on fire and she grew fangs. "Now…what to do with you…"

---

On a beautiful sunny day, the villagers of the small town were enjoying their peaceful lives. Well, all but one, and if you walked by the town fountain, many would see a poor bandit, charred to a crisp and strung up by his feet from the town's large statue, the tallest structure in the town.

Even though he whined for help, nobody would help him. They were told he deserved it.

And elsewhere on the outskirts of town, a foursome of travelers took a rest and enjoyed the sunny day. Two of these travelers had found time by themselves to enjoy an afternoon nap.

"Hey Lina, how did you feel when you were in my body? Anything different?" Gourry asked breaking through the silence.

"Well, not really. I felt taller and heavier. It was weird looking down at myself. I seemed so small." She said, reclining back and watching the clouds go by.

"Hrmm. I see. I felt rather small too, and I had never looked up to anyone before. I've always been the taller one. It was kinda weird."

"Yeah, so you know how I feel now. Being short isn't exactly the most flattering thing, even when people constantly remind you of how small you are - in other areas as well." she groaned.

"But when I stand over you, don't you feel, I don't know…protected?" Gourry asked, turning his head to look at her.

She turned to look at him, and he saw a small blush. "I guess…I guess that's one thing I can be glad about being small." She smiled prettily. And then she broke the mood and pouted. "Although, I didn't really appreciate that you took advantage of my body like that."

Gourry laughed. "Haha. Sorry. It's just that I don't really know what it felt like to be a woman. You really ARE delicate. Now that I know that, I'm going to have to protect you even harder from now on."

Lina looked away blushed. "Hn."

"Besides, I told you already, I don't mind if you touch my body too. You know, to know what it feels like. Didn't you ever get a chance to do that?"

Lina's back went rigid, and she sat up looking away nervously. She twiddled her fingers. "Um… no. That's okay, Gourry."

Gourry sat up and smiled at her shyness. He looked around and noticed they were alone. He inched closer to her and put a hand on her shoulder.

She tensed, and she knew what that touch meant. She leaned into him hesitantly and fed off his warmth.

"You have my permission." And then she turned around and fell into his arms.

If there was one thing good about their switching, it was that it had led to a moment like this.

FIN


End file.
